On the morning of the 26th August, 2019, every single person on earth woke up to find that their skin had turned green.
For a few hours, there were an awful lot of people trying to find a way to change it back again, to try to dye it, rub the colour off, swallow lots of strange potions, try magic spells, see doctors, priests, scientists, mystics, druids, and all sorts of other experts and so-called experts, all of whom claimed they could cure the problem.
But all of whom had green skin as well, so they didn’t come across as very convincing.
Finally, someone thought to bellow up to God ‘Oi, God! What on earth have you done?’
There was a rumble of ethereal chuckling, and then God replied: ‘I am just so totally pissed off, like, with your saying how some of you are better than the others, like, just because of the colour of the skin I gave you. It’s all pretty random, after all. So now you’re all the same, and you might as well just stop it.’
‘Yeah…but…green?’
‘Yes, green. If I make you all white, then the ones that were already white will make out that was because they were superior in the first place. Same with all the other skin colours. So…green. None of you were green before.’
‘But…’
‘Plus,’ and here God gave a little Godly snigger, ‘you all equate green skin with aliens. So now you’re all aliens. And, even if I say so myself, that’s a good one.’
Nothing’s ever simple, though, is it? Within a couple of weeks, once everyone had realised there was no mileage in everyone claiming to be a Green Supremacist, all the major religions started working overtime to fire up extra feuds and wars and to persecute anyone within reach who thought differently to the ways they did, anyone they considered heretical, those who some thought might be a slightly different shade of green, or cut their sandwiches in a non-prescribed way.
And then the sound of the loudest ever irritated sigh filled the skies and echoed around every valley and mountain and city on earth. It rumbled across the plains and seas and everyone stopped what they were doing and muttered ‘Oh, crikey. Now what?’
And God roared out ‘I thought I was angry before, but now I’m really pissed off! What on earth makes you think you can speak for me? This is all, quite frankly, rather insulting! I made this lovely planet, and put you on it so you could enjoy it and look after it and be nice to each other! How dare you presume to say that I hate people who you disagree with? How dare you say you have authority to kill in my name? And, while you’re at it, you can stop all the servile bowing and scraping, too. I mean, what sort of an image do you have of me?
‘Oh, and I almost forgot (‘cos I’ve got a lot of gripes with you lot!). Men are not superior to women in any way whatsoever. So you men can stop paying them less, treating them differently, forcing them to hide themselves, denying them education, declaring them inferior or evil, or discriminating against them in any other way at all, or else I’m jolly well going to visit a few plagues on you that will really make your blood run cold!
‘Now, start to look after my bloody planet, treat women with respect, and stop trying to find more cowardly ways to exterminate anyone you think different to yourselves!’
Blimey. Better do as She says.
OMG, is this redundant? I love this Mick!! I imagine God must be so frustrated with us.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve thought that for a long time, Steph. I just hope she lets us off lightly!
LikeLiked by 1 person
One can only hope Mick!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Quite.
LikeLike
Two years from today, Mick? Can’t come soon enough, if you ask me. Hope we can stave off annihilation ‘til then. Green’s never been my best color, but I’ll adapt. Wonder what the haters will find to establish superiority: shoe size? … earlobe length? … ability to do a headstand? I think I really like your Creator.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Me too, Donna. I do hope she doesn’t get too angry.
LikeLike
This is brilliant Mick. Everyone needs to read this! 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Malvika. If only they would!
LikeLike
Excellent! Love this!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Meg.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You look very dignified as a green humanoid. Great post. Makes me wonder if you’ve seen “The Brand New Testament.” God is quite crabby and flawed in it. Think you might get a kick out of it.🤔
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve never even heard of it, Monica. But I think I’ll have to look it up. But I’ll take that as a compliment…I think…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, in this context I suppose it would be more appropriate to say you look no more dignified or undignified than anyone else. 😉 Do check out the movie. God is from Belgium and it’s quite the wild ride.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Belgium, eh? Now that knocks a few preconceived ideas on the head.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Doesn’t it?
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s not easy being green — Kermit the Frog
Of course, at the end of the song he decides it’s alright after all. Perhaps the frogs should inherit the earth.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Something will, Dave, and I do wonder what. I’d always been led to believe it would probably be cockroaches. But they’re not green.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The morning of 26 August came sooner in New Zealand than it did anywhere else in the world. So we were first to turn green. Just saying.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The rest of us looked to you for some tips.
LikeLiked by 1 person