Happy…Birthday?

On By Mick CanningIn Christmas, humour, Money, satire

I know I’ve already checked back in since Christmas, but, well, just to say it was slightly quiet and fairly peaceful. Hope you all had a nice Christmas and New Year. We didn’t do much, but that suited us just fine.

We didn’t do much at all.

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Anyway, back to business. It was my cousin’s birthday, recently. So I sent her a card.

But most shops seem to think you only want Christmas cards, that close to Christmas, and make it really difficult for you find a birthday card.

‘You’ve got thousands of Christmas cards on display, what about birthday cards?’

‘Birthday cards? There’s a couple in the cellar at the back of the shop, I think, on the top shelf in the toilet, underneath the anvils. Old Harry will have the key, but I’ve no idea where Old Harry is. On holiday, probably. Beware the steps are broken, too. And slippery. And there’s no light. And there was an oil-spill there recently. You’d better watch out for the hyenas as well. In fact, why don’t you just go away? Unless you’d like some Christmas tat, that is…’

‘A couple?’

‘Well, there’s no call for them at this time of year.’

‘No call for them? What about all those people with birthdays in December?’

‘Birthdays? They shouldn’t be doing that!’

‘Well what about those that do?’

‘That’s their lookout, I’m afraid. Should be ashamed of themselves, coming round here in December and having birthdays. Shouldn’t be allowed. What sort of month is December for birthdays, eh? It’s not right.’

So I sent one of my own greetings cards. I send quite a few, actually. It’s not just to save some money, or to avoid hand to hand combat in shops near Christmas. I’m quite pleased with my hand-made cards, usually with small paintings on them. What? Oh, certainly. Yes, I do. No, not very expensive, thank you for asking. Thank you so much.

But then I had to post it, and the cost of that is ridiculous, now. God knows how we can afford to send the Christmas cards.

Ah…we didn’t. I was forgetting, for a moment.

But, I was talking to my wife about that and said ‘I think if we really want to save some money, it’s not cards I should be turning my artistic endeavours to.’

‘No? What then?’

‘Postage stamps. There, that would save us a few quid.’

‘It’s an idea I suppose. Hmm…or, you could just cut out the middleman altogether.’

‘Ah, twenty pound notes, you mean? That’s an idea.’

‘Yes, we don’t want to be greedy. And everyone forges fifty pound notes, anyway.’

‘No, that’s right. I suppose about ten or twelve a day would do us. That’s not greedy, is it?’

‘It would be a good use of your time, I suppose.’

Anyway, I’ve been busy the last few days. Just don’t ask any awkward questions.

42 thoughts on “Happy…Birthday?”

  1. What an excellent use of your talents! But in all seriousness, handmade gifts are always the best, I think. I sympathise with your December birthday dilemma – Mumsie, Nan and an uncle are all in December and my Grandfather is 6th January! Needless to say, their gifts are a bit pants. (Not actual pants, I hasten to add. Everyone gets enough pants at Christmas).

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  2. Haha, Mick, thank goodness my birthday is in February, along with my wedding anniversary, one sister’s birthday and one son’s birthday. February fits in neatly between the six family birthdays in January and the three family birthdays in March.

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  5. The same goes for New Year’s. There are cards for Christmas AND New Year Greetings. But since we don’t celebrate Christmas here, as much as Diwali, it is difficult to find a New Year greeting which is not Christmas themed. I needed a colouring project to put up on my Instagram account for New Year’s and I went crazy looking for one. Finally I chose a message that said ‘Choose Joy’. Sounds generic but it turned out nice since the artist’s lettering looked gorgeous: https://www.instagram.com/p/BdZm-dCHuNj/

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    1. Crazy, isn’t it? That sounds like a huge market that nobody is filling. There must be so many people just looking to buy a New Year’s card. And I suppose that a generic card like that will actually work very well, since the context will be obvious if you send it on New Year. And your card looks great!

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    1. I’d forgotten all about Mr Boggs. He might indeed have some useful advice – or even a collaboration. I can dream.

      And I think ‘artistic Currency Emulation’ is a term that should pass in general use immediately!

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    1. I think you could be right. We certainly seem to get fewer Christmas cards each year (of course, that might be because no one likes us!), but I am inclined to blame the cost of postage and the internet.

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  16. I’m always sad for people who have birthdays so close to Xmas, many I knew when they were kids would have a combined xmas/birthday present and card, which never seemed fair to me. But not as bad as people who have birthdays at the end of February on a leap year, I mean – exactly what age are they and the end of a few years?

    Hand-made cards are a nice thought and a nice gesture and show you’ve taken time and care.

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    1. We do seem to have quite a few. My eldest Grandson’s is on Boxing day, much to his chagrin. We do make sure he has separate presents, but I think he still ends up with a few combinations (not the old-fashioned underwear, you understand!).

      I’ve always felt sorry for those with birthdays on 29th February, too. They get another year older, but without a birthday.

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