‘Oh, you’re back.’
‘Well, not really. I’ve been here all the time. I just didn’t have anything to say to you, that’s all.’
‘Why on earth not?’
‘For a start, you don’t listen to me. You keep fannying around with that novel that your heart’s not in, anyway. What is it that you actually want to write? Not that one, at least at the moment.’
‘I’d love to finish it, actually, just get it out of the way.’
‘It’ll still be there when you’re ready to finish it – if you ever are. And if you’re not, it doesn’t matter. Surely you’ve got other stuff you’d rather be working on?’
‘I…’
‘Like, your poetry’s pretty crap, but you enjoy writing it.’
‘Hey! I…’
‘Then there’s the other novel, the one you’ve been faffing around with for years.’
‘Yes…’
‘So work on that one, since you actually do like it, and do a few paintings, for God’s sake. You’ve been saying you’re going to, well get on with it.’
‘I thought a muse was meant to be an inspiration, not a nag.’
‘A muse,’ she replied tersely, ‘will say whatever she thinks necessary to get her author off his lazy butt! Now, what about this pamphlet or brochure you’re meant to be doing at the moment?’
‘The zine?’
She visibly cringed.
‘Yes…that. As far as I can see you’ve been tinkering with it for months but you’ve nothing to show for it.’
‘I…’
‘You seem to have decided on a few of the poems you want to put in it, and a short story, but you haven’t rewritten the essays you wanted to use, haven’t sorted out the photographs and done nothing towards the artwork. You’ve not even decided on a title for the thing yet!’
‘I’ve…’
‘Yes, and that’s another thing. You keep jumping from one thing to another, and never completing anything.’
‘I’ve always thought it’s good to have a couple of projects on the go. When I get stuck on one I can go and work on another.’
‘Yeeessss….a couple you say. Exactly how many have you got on the go at the moment?’
‘Ah, er, I’m not sure…’
‘No? Well roughly how many?’
‘Er…’
‘Very roughly? You don’t actually know, do you? Just finish something! What about the short poem’ -*cringe* – ‘zine you’ve got in bits? As far as I can tell it’s nearer completion than the other one.’
‘Um, I suppose I could…’
‘And I’m not some lifestyle guru, but get out and go for more walks. And listen to more music and read some more books. You’re not reading very much at the moment, are you? And read something you want to read and listen to something you want to listen to. Not because you think you ‘ought’ to, whatever the hell that means. And stay off fricking social media, too. It’s poisonous.’
‘That’s certainly true.’
‘So just see that you do, or I really will be off. I’ll be checking up on you more regularly, now. I can see it’s the only way.’
She’s a tough, unforgiving, so-and-so, my muse.
Mick Canning 